I would like your honest opinion of what I should do with myself.
I am 41 years old and from the UK. Sixteen years ago I was convicted of indecent images of children on the internet. This didn't really set me up very well in life. In fact I don't think I really ever had a chance having been abused from around age 3/4 by my eldest sister's friend. I grew up as a child wanted to replicate those feelings I felt as a young boy. In my early teens I discovered my dad's porn stash and then the internet came to be in the late 90's. About a year into the internet I had become addicted to child pornography. I don't know if I am sexually attracted to children or just addicted to extreme forms of pornography? I have never and would never subject a child to any harm at all.
I lost all my friends, I felt ashamed around my family. I became resentful of my country and it's government. I don't trust them at all.
I met my ex partner in 2010 and we had a son on 2012 of whom i adore. She knew about my conviction and we had no involvement with social services. However last year the relationship broke down and I met someone else. Since then she has gotten the social services involved and they are accusing me of being a risk to my son. I love my son deeply and the thought of people thinking that I want to harm him is making me feel ill, depressed and suicidal. I have not seen my son for 10 months. Social services say I cannot see him and now my ex partner doesn't want him to have anything to do with me.
I cannot qualify for legal aid to put this through the courts and it will cost upwards of £7000 to get this through court, with no certainty it will go in my favour.
I've started sending letters to my son and keeping copies of each one as I am almost certain my ex will not be reading them to him. I feel like the state wants me wiped clean out of his life. I feel powerless, humiliated and alone. I don't know what to do.
Are you Admin-kun?
I'm admin @ 4
x13 not here.
Loss is a bitter thing. It can make you regret having anything in the first place, sometimes. Don't fall into that trap. Regret is something you have to let go of. Things happen. For a reason, is my belief.
Don't let your pain interfere with this new relationship. Explore it, and throw yourself into it. Maybe focus on that for a while.
If you feel the desire to keep writing your son, do so. Maybe the letters aren't getting to him. Maybe they are. Maybe one day you'll write something that will melt the snow. There's a good chance that one day he'll read a few, or at least know you've been sending them. That will be good for him. It's not a waste of your time. But try not to stew too much.
Don't be paranoid. Your government, for its faults, is still a positive force. Sorry about your run in with them. But they were worried. And scared.Their situation is understandable and so is yours. Sometimes bad stuff just happens, even with good people on both sides.
It sounds like you're having some luck meeting new people following your run in with the law. Having some luck finding people who trust you.That's a real positive. Must be charismatic, eh?
Anyway, good luck and God(dess) bless
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